Take my best friends for example. They are so amazing, and I don't know how I would have gotten through this year, and everything that has happened without them. They are so amazing, and smart and absolutely the best friends that any girl could ask for. However, while I'm gone they're both going to graduate college, and both of their missionaries are going to come home. One almost 7 months before me, and one the month before me. Which means I am probably going to miss at least one engagement. And two graduations. Which makes me feel like about the worst friend on the planet. I know that they don't think anything less of me and that they support me 100%, but I still feel bad.
And then there's my family. They are about the most stable people I know, but I know that while I'm gone, they're going to sell the house that I spent all of my teens in and build (and hopefully) finish a cabin. Which is super exciting, but part of me wishes that I could be there to see all of it happening. (And that they weren't selling my house). I'll also be missing my sister's first year of college. And for the sister that's been there for every milestone she's had, that's going to be a hard one to miss. I love them so much and I know that being away from them is going to be the hardest thing of all, but that in the end I'll be stronger for being away from them for 18 months.
And finally there's me. By going on a mission, I'm putting my life as I know it on a shelf for 18 months. Not that I'm not beyond ecstatic to be going on a mission, but I'm going to miss my life as it is right now. I'm going to miss all of the crazy college nights that you only get to have once, I'm going to miss all of my Cedar family, and I'm going to miss so many people. There's so many things I want to say to people, but the fact that I'm going on a mission is stopping me. And there's so many people I want to see and spend time with before I leave, and so little time. I know that as soon as I get home that the summer is going to fly by. What do I say to my friend in Cedar to say goodbye? Or to the boy I've liked since he came home from his mission, but that I've never told? Or to my best friends? Or the boy who has become my best friend and spiritual rock? Or my family, even the ones who don't support me? Where do I find the words for all of those people? Because at this point, I don't even have words for myself. I can't find the words to convince myself that I'll be a good missionary and that I'll be able to reach, and teach, the people of the Dominican Republic. I can hardly find the words to comfort myself on nights like tonight where Satan is dragging me down as much as he can. The only words I can find are in my scriptures. That's where I find my peace, my strength, my knowledge, and most importantly my happiness. I have never been happier than since becoming a member of this church. I know that this is the true church on the earth today. I know that Thomas S. Monson is a prophet of the Lord and that he was called of God. I know that Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon and that our Heavenly Father knows us personally and knows exactly what we are going through. I know that He doesn't give challenges to us that we cannot handle. I believe in this Church and everything it stands for. I want to end with a couple of scriptures that I try to remember on days like this.
"Remember that without faith you can do nothing; therefore ask in faith. Trifle not with these things; do not ask for that which you ought not" -D&C 8:10
"...Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men..." -2 Ne. 31:20
