18 months

So I've been thinking lately...a lot. About a lot of things, but mostly about the next 21 months or so. I knew that by going on a mission that I would be giving myself up to serve the Lord, and that as much as I want to, I can't put my life back home on pause. Which is a scary thing. And an extremely hard one to come to terms with. There's so many things that I wish I could pause, if only for a few months, so I might have a chance to see some things happen while I'm home.
Take my best friends for example. They are so amazing, and I don't know how I would have gotten through this year, and everything that has happened without them. They are so amazing, and smart and absolutely the best friends that any girl could ask for. However, while I'm gone they're both going to graduate college, and both of their missionaries are going to come home. One almost 7 months before me, and one the month before me. Which means I am probably going to miss at least one engagement. And two graduations. Which makes me feel like about the worst friend on the planet. I know that they don't think anything less of me and that they support me 100%, but I still feel bad.
And then there's my family. They are about the most stable people I know, but I know that while I'm gone, they're going to sell the house that I spent all of my teens in and build (and hopefully) finish a cabin. Which is super exciting, but part of me wishes that I could be there to see all of it happening. (And that they weren't selling my house). I'll also be missing my sister's first year of college. And for the sister that's been there for every milestone she's had, that's going to be a hard one to miss. I love them so much and I know that being away from them is going to be the hardest thing of all, but that in the end I'll be stronger for being away from them for 18 months.
And finally there's me. By going on a mission, I'm putting my life as I know it on a shelf for 18 months. Not that I'm not beyond ecstatic to be going on a mission, but I'm going to miss my life as it is right now. I'm going to miss all of the crazy college nights that you only get to have once, I'm going to miss all of my Cedar family, and I'm going to miss so many people. There's so many things I want to say to people, but the fact that I'm going on a mission is stopping me. And there's so many people I want to see and spend time with before I leave, and so little time. I know that as soon as I get home that the summer is going to fly by. What do I say to my friend in Cedar to say goodbye? Or to the boy I've liked since he came home from his mission, but that I've never told? Or to my best friends? Or the boy who has become my best friend and spiritual rock? Or my family, even the ones who don't support me? Where do I find the words for all of those people? Because at this point, I don't even have words for myself. I can't find the words to convince myself that I'll be a good missionary and that I'll be able to reach, and teach, the people of the Dominican Republic. I can hardly find the words to comfort myself on nights like tonight where Satan is dragging me down as much as he can. The only words I can find are in my scriptures. That's where I find my peace, my strength, my knowledge, and most importantly my happiness. I have never been happier than since becoming a member of this church. I know that this is the true church on the earth today. I know that Thomas S. Monson is a prophet of the Lord and that he was called of God. I know that Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon and that our Heavenly Father knows us personally and knows exactly what we are going through. I know that He doesn't give challenges to us that we cannot handle. I believe in this Church and everything it stands for. I want to end with a couple of scriptures that I try to remember on days like this.

"Remember that without faith you can do nothing; therefore ask in faith. Trifle not with these things; do not ask for that which you ought not" -D&C 8:10

"...Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men..." -2 Ne. 31:20

Time to play catch up!!

Oh my goodness!!! It's been quite a busy few months and I honestly don't know where the time has gone!! A lot of things have changed and they are all so exciting!

First off, I was lucky enough to get to go home for spring break, which was definitely what I needed! I got to spend just over a week in MT with my family and some of my friends. While I was home, I celebrated the one year anniversary of my baptism, which was on a Sunday so I got to spend it with all of my church family :) That day was also the day that my mission papers were submitted! I've never experienced so many emotions, and it was such an amazing experience having the opportunity to meet with my bishop and stake president, doing the final interviews, and handing over all of the paperwork. (I swear that they make you do so much paperwork before so that when you're in the field it doesn't seem like that much.) Also while I was home, I got to go with my parents to look at the property they just bought. They're going to build a cabin, and both of my parents are super excited!!

Some of the amazing views they will have!

After spring break, it was back to the daily grind of school and homework (yay! not!) I thoroughly hate doing homework and I honestly don't know how I have kept my focus and motivation. Somedays I honestly think it's just the fact that I'll be home in a month. I can't wait to be home for the summer! The second week back at school was a life-changing one for sure. And also one  that I won't be forgetting any time soon. I finally received my mission call on the Thursday of that week. I have been called to serve as a missionary in the Dominican Republic Santo Domingo East Mission! I report to the Dominican Republic MTC on August 1st and I'll be preaching the Gospel in Spanish. I'm so nervous and excited! It's going to be a life changing experience and I can only hope that I'll find someone there who needs the Gospel and who I can give the knowledge, peace and understanding that I've found through my journey this past year. \

This past weekend I had the opportunity to go to General Conference with my best friend and her family. It was so amazing to be able to hear from the living prophet on the Earth and his apostles. We went to the Saturday morning session and after we had lunch at the Cheesecake Factory before doing a little bit of shopping. My best friend's extended family lives just outside of SLC so we got to spend a lot of time with them, which was so great! I love spending time with her family. They are all so amazing and they are some of the best cooks ever! It seemed like all we did was eat, spend time together and watch conference. It was a great way to spend the weekend, and it was definitely what I needed!

Me and my bestie at conference :)

All of us at Ky's Aunt Heather's house Saturday night

It's In The Valleys I Grow

Well it has been way too long since I've written. It's been a pretty crazy few months and I can't believe that it's already February! Time sure flies!
Today was fast and testimony meeting at church and it seems that the common theme in my ward is that January was a rough month all the way around. I can include myself in that, but I know that things get better. Even on the really hard days Heavenly Father is there and knows everything that we are going through. I am so grateful for that and for the opportunities I have to go to church and the temple. Having the knowledge that I have, that Christ suffered for our sins, that through the atonement we can live with our families forever, and that through prayer we can get through anything, is a great comfort. Knowing that Heavenly Father doesn't give us challenges that we can't get through, and that He gives the hardest challenges to his strongest followers is such an amazing thing. I know that every challenge that is placed in my path is put there to teach me something and to help me grow to be a stronger person. Growing in the gospel is a journey, and in the big picture, I've only just begun this journey. I will be learning and growing and developing my whole life. If there ever comes a day where I stop this, I can only hope that there is someone there to snap me out of it and to help me start growing again.
One of the sisters in my ward shared the following poem today and I think it is a great reminder to keep going even when it seems like everything, and everyone, is pushing against us. It's called "It's in the Valleys I Grow":

Sometimes life seems hard to bear,
Full of sorrow, trouble and woe
It’s then I have to remember
That it’s in the valleys I grow.

If I always stayed on the mountaintop
And never experienced pain,
I would never appreciate God’s love
And would be living in vain.

I have so much to learn
And my growth is very slow,
Sometimes I need the mountain tops,
But it’s in the valleys I grow.

I do not always understand
Why things happen as they do,
But I am very sure of one thing.
My Lord will see me through.

My little valleys are nothing
When I picture Christ on the cross
He went through the valley of death;
His victory was Satan’s loss.

Forgive me Lord, for complaining
When I’m feeling so very low.
Just give me a gentle reminder
That it’s in the valleys I grow.

Continue to strengthen me, Lord
And use my life each day
To share your love with others
And help them find their way.

Thank you for valleys, Lord
For this one thing I know
The mountain tops are glorious
But it’s in the valleys I grow!

...And I'm a Mormon

This past weekend I had the opportunity to go to a baptism for the first time since my own. What an amazing experience! Seeing an 8 year-old make that covenant with our Heavenly Father was just amazing! It brought back so many memories of my own baptism and my growth the past 8 months. I wouldn't change it for the world and I am so grateful for all of those that have helped me along the way. (Honestly don't know where I'd be without them.)
My family: Even though they may not understand just yet, they have supported every decision I've made so far and continue to support me unconditionally. Today in Sunday school, I was asked what I thought the definition of love is. My response: unconditional acceptance. That what Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ gave us, and that's what my family has given me the past few months (and my whole life!)

My best friends: honestly, without these two girls I would be lost! They're the ones I turn to when I have questions about the Gospel, school, boys, or even how to do my hair! They have been so patient and understanding the past few months that I don't even know how they do it. I drive myself crazy sometimes so I can only imagine how they feel haha! :)

My missionaries: the ones who gave me the lessons and all my boys from back home who are now out in the field. I love them all so much and am so grateful for everything they've done for me. One of the missionaries that taught me is now home and has become my best friend. Whenever I'm having a hard day or need a pep talk or a spiritual moment, he's the one I turn to. I'm soooo grateful for missionary work and I can only hope that one day I'll have the impact on someone that they've had on me. They have changed my life in the best possible way and there's no way to repay that.

Recently I've been asked "Why? Why this Church? Why now?" The only good answer I've been able to come up with is that it was my time to find peace and happiness. It was my turn to understand the love our Heavenly Father has for us. It was my time to understand that families can be together forever and I will get to see my brother again. My family doesn't really understand what I've gone through or learned, but I hope one day they will. I know without doubt that this is the true Church on Earth, that through our struggles we become closer to our Heavenly Father, that the Book of Mormon is another true testament of Christ, and that President Monson is a true prophet called of God.

I know that this will be a long journey. I know that at times it may be hard. I know that some days I may just want to give up and go back to my old ways, but I know if I stay strong, I will be eternally blessed.

I am a daughter, sister, and best friend. I love playing volleyball and softball. I am a small town girl from Montana on my own in this big world. I know that my savior lives, I am a proud convert, AND I AM A MORMON!!!!

Lessons Learned

Since I've been in college I've learned a lot. Not just stuff that is important, but things about myself, my life, my beliefs and the people I love the most. I've learned that staying up till 4 in the morning and then trying to go to class at 8 doesn't work very well. And that sometimes even a smile and a cheerful attitude can't hide the scars and emotional bruises. There's so many things I've learned. And this post is some of those things and how I've dealt with the challenges...

The first thing I learned after I moved to school: family, no matter how close or far, is one of the most important things in our lives. Family is everything to me. My family is eleven hours away, but I talk to my mom (who is my rock) on the phone almost every day, even if it's just for a few minutes. I know that my family loves and supports me unconditionally. Even if they don't understand my conversion, I'm still the woman they've grown up with and loved their whole lives. I think one of the hardest things about being away from home is that I feel like I'm missing out on things. My sister is a senior in high school this year and I'm kind of bummed I'm not there for the senior pictures, the football games, dances, late night talks and just chilling on a Saturday afternoon. Being able to talk to them and Skype has been an amazing blessing and I cannot wait to see them soon!

The second thing I learned: a hug can turn your whole day around. Not just a quick hug, but a hug where you just stand there and soak it in. One of those hugs where you never want to let go and the whole world seems to stop for those few moments. Those have been some of the most treasured moments I've had since coming to school. And I'm so lucky to have the support system and the friends that I do that can give me those hugs when I need them. I know how lucky I am to have the people in my life that I do. I have met some of the most amazing people in the few short months I've been here, and I wouldn't trade them for the world (even if I still don't understand guys and their stupid emotions!)

The  third thing I learned: say 'I love you', say it a lot and really mean it when you say it. Not just to your friends and family, but those people who've taken the time to break down the walls you've built up and actually care about you. Those are the people who are going to be there for you no matter what and who want the best for you. Even if they can't be there for you. There are people in your life that enter at a specific time for a specific reason and only Heavenly Father knows why. Which is hard for me sometimes because I'm a planner and I always want to know exactly what's going on and I don't do well with not knowing what's going on.

The fourth thing I've learned: your friends are family. You just get to pick them. My two best friends are seriously sometimes the only things that keep me sane and going during the hard weeks. I don't know what I'd do without them. They're my therapist, my cheering section, my conscience, and my partners in crime. We seriously spend so much time together and they're who I go to when I'm having a hard day or I'm mad at a guy or my emotions are on a roller coaster. They keep me centered and I'm pretty sure I'd go crazy without them. Add in the guys we hang out with all the time, and I've got the best group of friends ever! I've never laughed harder, had more memories made or spent more time with any group of people. It's amazing!

The fifth thing I've learned: Heavenly Father has a plan. Even if we don't know what it is, there's a plan in place. Sometimes the path may be hard and there may be a lot of twists and turns, Heavenly Father will always be guiding us. I know that if I strive to live temple worthy and marry in the temple, that Heavenly Father will always be with me. That's a fact. Sometimes the temptation is there (especially being a convert), but I know that if I stay true, I'll be okay and I'll come out stronger. Reading my scriptures and going to church makes things easier and I know that the support system will always be there. In D&C 25:12 it says:

For my soul delighteth in the song of the heart; yea, the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads. 

This is one of my favorite scriptures. It keeps me going on those hard days and I know that through prayer we can get the answers we need and those are the answers and promptings we need to trust. That's one of the biggest blessings I've been able to receive since being baptized.

I can only hope that as I continue on this journey that I remember these lessons and learn more. These lessons have taught me so much and I've only been at school for a few months. I'm sure I'll learn more as I go, and I promise to keep you guys updated. Who knows what the next adventure will be or what I'll learn?

Finally...FALL BREAK!!!

It's been an absolutely CRAZY couple of weeks! I've been so busy, this is the 1st time I've had to sit down and write a post. So much has happened and I've learned so much about myself. I'm so grateful for the challenges that were presented and for the opportunity to face them head on. Yes, they sucked, but I'm stronger than I was going in.

This past weekend was fall break for us fabulous SUU students! The girls and I decided that we should road trip up north to get in some shopping, family time, and lots of adventures. Needless to say, it was a fun filled weekend. When we finally got up to Spanish Fork Friday we were starving, and sick of being in the car. Fee-La's family took us out to dinner and then we walked around the mall. With Fee-La's brother. Who is an RM. And still very much awkward! I love him to death, but who would have thought that getting him to give his number to a girl who very obviously wanted it would be so hard! It was like pulling teeth. BUT he finally did, and when he was texting the rest of the weekend, he would smile and dodge our comments as to who it was. We can only hope it was the super pretty girl :) (and we're pretty sure it was!) It was fun trying to acclimate him to the real world, and this was only the first day of vacation!

Saturday started the perfect way: baptisms at the Provo temple! Such a fabulous way to start my day and with some of the best people EVER! I went with Fee-La, her brother, and one of my really good friends from home who just got back from his mission in July (he's not nearly as awkward as Fee-La's brother tho!)

That was by far the best way to start the day, but it only got better from there :) Us girls spent the rest of the day shopping and having a ridiculous amount of fun, just what I needed!! We spent hours shopping, trying on clothes we would never buy, and making fun of each other constantly. And doing a little dreaming like all girls do when they're near a jewelry or dress store. I'm not even sure how long we spent shopping, but it was totally worth it. I spent WAY too much money, but it was a great day with my girls, and that's priceless! Saturday night was about as close to perfection as I could have gotten, and it was one of those nights where nothing went according to plan! Earlier in the week, a guy I knew from home texted me asking if I'd like to go on a date with him. Super random, but I didn't get to see him at home before I left for school (he had just gotten home from his mission when I was leaving) so of course I said yes. We knew each other before, and I am really good friends with his little sister, so I was a little worried that it would be weird. It wasn't. At all. It was one of the funnest dates I've ever been on. It was super simple, but it was the company, laughter and conversation that made the night. And the fact I was at BYU never even crossed my mind. He made me dinner (major points, even though it was just tacos), and then took me on my first unofficial, official 1st tour of the campus. Really we just talked about our families, his mission, and caught up on  the past 2 years. And laughed. The. Whole. Time. It was amazing to laugh that much and be able to catch up with him :) It was a great date. So glad I went!

Sunday was a day of firsts for me. I went to a Poly ward, where I only understood maybe half of what was said, but it was AWESOME!!! I love the moments where even though you don't understand, you can feel the spirit and those are the moments that testify to the truthfulness of this Church. I love this Gospel soooo much and I know Ulli (whose farewell it was) will be an amazing missionary. After church we went to his farewell dinner. If you're ever hungry, go to a Poly's house. They will feed you till you're full and then give you seconds and a plate to take home with you. It's great! I'm not even sure of half of what I ate, but it was all so good that it didn't even matter! It was a culture explosion, but in the words of us girls, I ain't even mad!

Monday was hard. It was the 4 year anniversary of my brother's death. The girls did the best they could keeping me busy and my mind off of it, but there's only so much you can do. We got our haircut early in the day and then made our way up to Salt Lake to do some more shopping and so we could get up this morning and go to the zoo. It was still semi-early when we finished shopping so of course I wanted to walk through Temple Square.

 It was one of the best things I could have done to get through the end of the day when my mind was starting to slow down. Just being semi-close to the Temple gave me peace and I felt my brother there walking around with me. I know he's always with me, but maybe I just don't notice it as much as I should. Knowing that one day I'll have the opportunity for my husband and I to do temple work for him so we can be together for eternity is such an amazing blessing! I'm so grateful for that and for the family and friends I have now that help me through those days and remind me that everything is going to be okay. It makes me so happy and I can't wait for that day that we get to do temple work for him.

And today...we went to the zoo!!! BEST  $10 I'VE EVER SPENT!!!!!!!!!!! We were the college kids who were running around like 5 year olds and we enjoyed every single minute of it! We had so much fun and it was an amazing 3 hours. The girls day was just what I needed, and after we went to the This Is The Place monument. It was so amazing to see where Brigham Young knew that the Salt Lake valley would be where the pioneers were going to settle. And the view from up there is beautiful. Even though it was foggy and rainy, it was still gorgeous. 

Wow. It's been a a crazy week. I just realized reading this that I'm running on almost no sleep and lots of sugar! That's going to be interesting later haha!!

What a weekend!!!

I know I say this almost every post...but what an absolutely amazing weekend!!! I'm SO blessed to be a member of the true church on the Earth, and for the opportunities we have to hear from our living prophets and to know that what they tell us is said in order for us to return to our Heavenly Father and live for eternity.

This weekend was one of firsts for me. I got to go to the temple for the first time to do baptisms with my best friend. Never would I have thought that anything could compare to the day I came out of the font and became a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Temples are such an important part of our faith and everything that we do on the earth prepares us to live eternally with our families. I'm so grateful for that knowledge, and for the opportunity we have to go do baptisms for those who were not able to do them while they were on the earth. The reverence that  is present as soon as you walk in to the temple is so amazing. I've been waiting for months (since March 17th) to go in to the temple and do baptisms. The older woman who was in charge of giving us our jumpsuits, was one of the sweetest women I've ever met, and even in the short time we interacted, I could feel her spirit and her pure joy at being able to do work in the temple. She was so happy to know that I had given up part of my Friday afternoon to help those on the other side of the veil. And the look on her face when I told her this was my first time in the temple was priceless! If I thought she was full of joy before, that paled in comparison to the look on her face when I told her I was a convert and this was my first time in the temple. I was so grateful for the opportunity to help those who were not able to help themselves and I feel so lucky to live 45 minutes away from a temple where you don't have to make an appointment to do baptisms and just for the opportunity to go. Little did I know what was going to happen to me the next morning...

This weekend is also General Conference. All the talks that have been given this weekend have touched on a topic I was thinking about, and I'm so grateful for those that have spoken this weekend and what has been said. The most exciting part, however, was hearing the living prophet speak. And I'm not just talking about in general, even though that is amazing! I am talking about the announcement that was made Saturday morning in the first session of this conference. The living prophet has decided that worthy young men are going to be able to serve missions starting at 18. He has also decided that worthy young women will be able to go starting at age 19, instead of 21. So, you my readers are going to be the first to know, I will be serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I hope to be entering the MTC next summer, after my sister has graduated and has started her summer. I have known that I wanted to serve a mission since I got baptized and this is just confirmation that I am supposed to go now instead of waiting 1 1/2 more years to submit my papers. Kylene, Fee-La and I had a major happy cry session yesterday morning as soon as we were told the news and I told them I had plans to serve. They are the best support system I could have ever asked for, and I can only hope my family will accept my decision and know that I am doing this so others may have the experience I have had the past few months. I want people to understand the pure joy and happiness that I have found. I love this church so much and the people who are a part of it.
I know that this church is true and that President Monson is our living prophet. I'm grateful for everything that has been given to me the past few months and for the opportunity to serve people the way the Lord wants me to.